CONFIDENCE

5 thoughts I’ll be honest about

Because we're all as bonkers as each other.

I had a wild Sunday afternoon analysing the data received from the survey I sent out last week. (Hey if you haven’t done it yet, I’m not mad, it’s not too late, just do it now, okay, cool, no worries, thanks.)

People were like, really forthcoming and generous with thoughts and ideas. But it was completely anonymous so I can’t even personally thank them. (So THANK YOU!)

Among the common themes that I picked out from the data (I like calling it data) was this one about honesty. You know, when people don’t fuck around with the truth.

People enjoy the honesty in my storytelling, which is splendid because it’s one of the higher values I carry with me in this strange world. The purpose of being honest and open and making oneself so vulnerable is to help other people realise that we are all as nut-job, damaged, naive, insecure, crazy and interesting as each other. And that’s so cool!

Here are 5 insights into how I think:

1. I think I’m special

Whenever a bus stops directly in front of me and not the other 20 people waiting to get on, I feel like the chosen one.

When the The Truman Show came out in 1998 I thought it was someone trying to communicate with me. For years I stopped doing weird things in private.

And when I’m at the gym I think every man and his dumb bell are staring at me.

I speak in light jest because obvs I know I’m not some superior being. But when you’re alone in your head with just your view of the world, it’s easy to feel like you have some unique super power that understands things no one else possibly could.

Guess what though… that’s true! But it doesn’t make you more special than anyone, it just makes you special like everyone. To you, it’s your world and everyone else is just in it. And to them, ditto. Some people use this super power to change the world, others use it to woe is me, some people simply shouldn’t be allowed to talk.

2. Surprise! I have hang ups about my appearance

I spend my entire life focused on improving the way my body looks because I wish it looked like a model. I want it to be more toned. Less chunky. Slimmer here. Smaller there. And this whole behaviour is ridiculous because I actually believe I’m pretty lucky with my shape and size. Yet, like a lot of women, and a lot of men, I’m unhappy with it because of unrealistic beauty standards which are embedded into everything our hearts desire.

The silliest thing about this is that our individual ideas of beauty are so different anyway. Some people would think I look too strong and others would want to do me. If you like my bod but think yours sucks, my perception probably likes your bodwa back.

3. I say I’m not in love with a best mate but worry I am

Does that happen? Can you be in love with someone and not know it??

He doesn’t talk to me anymore because girlfriend. But honestly, I’d never have thought I’d be a threat to any of his relationships until I coined on early that this was a concept coming directly out of this one.

It’s a long and annoying story but basically I miss him to bits and pieces. I’ve never actually had to break up with a best pal so I don’t know if the feeling of grief I can’t seem to shake is normal or not.

And here’s another problem: a few girls in the past have found me threatening to their relationships. I’ve lost contact with a handful of guys because I’m perceived to be an undesirable third party to have around. I take responsibility for it because I seem to be the common thread but at this stage I’m unsure of how to amend it and get a bezzy back.

4. I’m so not racist that sometimes I fear I’m racist

Because who has to tell themselves how not racist they are? I think because there’s so much in the media about racism and political correctness (accompanied by all the dumbass behaviours of influential people) that everyone has to give themselves private affirmation about how racist-less they are.

But even getting around all liberal doesn’t make you any less susceptible to morons. People can pull moron on you at any time and if they happen to be a moron of a different faith, race or football club you can suddenly get smacked in the face with the realisation that you definitely have prejudices forged into your subconscious. Nothing hateful (hopefully) but unwanted enough for you to start an internal dialogue about how you’d definitely still think that person was a porkchop if they looked like the TV commercials and Disney princesses you grew up with.

5. I want to be famous

I do! I want to be famous. I’m not a psychologist but I think it’s stemmed from wanting to be popular as a kid. I never reached my prom queen goals but I didn’t ever get my head flushed in the toilet either. I would like to be famous in the sense that I’m influential and can inspire change for good. I’m not sure that’s what my dreams of popularity were focused on as a kidwinkle but hey-ho.

I recently watched this episode of Jerry Seinfeld’s, Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee, with my gal Ellen Degeneres guest starring. She said that she always wanted to be famous. And she is a down-to-earth person with a big heart and a wicked sense of humour. So that made my day, week, month, life.

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