Hanging Out With a Pornstar 💫

There are some lessons in this for all of us.

When I communicated to Calita that I felt like I was coming across extremely naive about her career in porn, and that I was being tremendously careful not to ask her anything weird or insensitive or politically incorrect about the fact that she gets paid to show off her naked bod on the internet, she came back with a tremendously comforting and profound response, which I might steal for my book if she doesn’t mind:

“We all have to speak in order to learn.”

I mean, this doesn’t apply to every situation, of course. You’d be learning wrong if you tried it on a silent retreat. And often people speak ridiculous muck which their tiny brains don’t learn from. However, when it comes with good intentions, asking questions around topics in order to open one’s heart and mind to the unfairly stigmatized worlds of others… well, I say fly my pretties, speak naively and freely. Just find your safe spaces first.

Coincidentally, I met Calita four years ago in another safe space where we were both encouraged to speak in order to learn. Because, well, that’s just what you have to do in public speaking classes otherwise you’re wasting everybody’s time.

It was 2018 and I would never have guessed that the fierce brunette who wanted to improve her public speaking so she could do a TED Talk on pornography, would actually end up making pornography instead. 

But to be fair, who could have guessed that the Ukrainian comedian, Volodymyr Zelenskyy, would one day be the president of Ukraine (and fighting in a gloomy modern war against Russia)? 

People are full of surprises!

It was on a recent trip abroad where Calita, her underarm hair and I all sat around for two hours while I politely picked her brain as she opened up about what it’s like to be a very down-to-earth, high-functioning and talented woman, who, you know, also happens to use toys and sexy lighting to play out the sexual fantasies of her OnlyFans subscribers online.

During our conversation, she got deep into the harsh reality of being judged, feeling hated, harassed, losing friends and battling with negative feelings of guilt and shame, which, we both agreed were unfair and unnecessary.

In fact, when I met Calita in 2018, she was working a widely perceived “good person” job, working with young women and girl refugees in a British charity.

She wasn’t stigmatised or made to feel lesser of a person doing that job, and would not have been doing most jobs out there, so why should she and others in her position have these pain points when they are the exact same person, no matter what the career choice?

This is the question we pose.

She has a big heart, big brains and I see a distinct bravery in her which I believe to be very rare.

Anyway, I’d go on with the details, but I don’t want to ruin the video we made.

OH MY GOD. Get your mind out of the gutter. 


It’s an M15+ documentary, designed to make you think and feel and I hope it makes way for a paradigm shift of sorts.

Please subscribe to my channel while you are there 🙂 

That’s it from me, chicos. Hope to hear from you. 

Oh! Before you go!

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