I live in suburbia and work in corporate but it ain’t me

However I don't think it will be the death of me either.

My second week in, there was a company-wide email reminding everyone that it was a professional environment and those not adhering to the formal corporate dress code could be sent home. I was looking for any excuse to go home so the next day I wore my favourite fetish costume.

I didn’t really. It was too hard to pick a favourite. But I’m so sure the passive aggressive email was directed at me because the very day it went out I was wearing a cheap cotton pencil skirt with a cut-off purple silk top. To me it felt corporate, to them it was blasphemy.

I’ve never in my life worked a 9-5 job where the most exciting thing to do is chase the fortnightly lolly-man truck. And I’ve certainly never rented in suburbia with a pregnant couple and their two dogs. But this is my life right now. My Saturday morning markets is the bustling Parklea bazaar. Parklea Markets is alive with cheap un-organic produce and caged eggs. People walk around snacking on hot dogs, or for a healthier option you can get steamed corn kernels sloshed in butter and served in polystyrene cups. If you want to buy someone a gift you can get them a FUBU hoodie, some knock-off trainers or a piece of electronic plastic something-or-other imported from Asia. The place is riddled with those gross blue plastic bags, but you can refund your cans and plastic bottles out front for 10c a pop.

This may sound like death on a stick to some of you trendy middle-class twats I’m friends with because it certainly sounds like that to me. But for right now, at this time in my life, it’s kinda perfect because it’s giving me the time and freedom to focus on my creative outlets and bigger life plans.

The most stressful thing about work is counting down to 5pm each afternoon, or remembering to pack my lunch because work is literally on an industrial estate next to a waste management plant (which is exactly why I think I can get away with not adhering to dress code, nobody around there gives two hoots if I’m in a blazer, I’d fit in better in my finest FUBU trackies).

The home life is also totally fine. I mean, the couple are some of the nicest and most casual people I’ve ever met. The ONLY complaint I have is that they are the least eco conscious people I’ve ever spent time with. And not only does their 24/7 commitment to having the air-con on hack away at some of my deep-rooted core values, but I’m fucking cold all the time. I’ve recently put a recycling option in the kitchen to try and forge some new habits for them. And I try to give their dogs as much love as I can because I worry about their mental healths being locked in the backyard (and laundry) for 98% of their lives.

I also kind of like the whole experience because it’s SO NOT ME. I like to dabble in experiences and different ways of living to help me understand other people’s ideas of normal.

Each morning I walk through my neat-looking suburban street and climb through a hole in the wall, cross the busy highway and take my place in an orderly queue to wait for the bus. This is the way people do life and it’s a long way from the luxuries of London where I had wine available to purchase, just 2-mins walk, 24/7. I don’t have pretty seaside cliffs to jog to like I did when crashing at my brother’s place in Rose Bay. And I certainly don’t have the no-one-living-on-top-of-me vibes I get at my parent’s farm in Mudgee. The culture at work is also old-school as fuck; I was actually asked to report some bullying I witnessed in my third week of being there. 

But I feel very privileged that I have the option to go from A to B to C to D, if and when I choose. The fact that I can move around and experience different people, places and ways of doing things helps me build a lot of empathy and compassion. Alas, it’s really not an option for most people on the planet. But they are out there finding their own ways to understand and tolerate the human race.

Well, I’ve gone and banged out this post early (it’s 6.15am, HEY, go to my Instagram page and watch my morning routine highlights). I’m up at 5am each morning and try to be creative and productive before I go to work and sit in front of a Dell PC, which is so old it has a CD-ROM drive. I’ve been making notes of hilarious things I see and do each day and will hopefully be able to use them in my comedy skit which I’m performing at the Opera House on 3rd June! That’s right. But I’ll write about that next week.

Until then. Keep it real. Not corporate. Outties 🤙🏼






  1. Now you know why they wrote all the songs about “Working for the man…damn!”
    Stay strong.

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