Sometimes you just gotta give blood
It's the right thing to do.
Sometimes stepping out of your comfort zone isn’t just about getting naked in front of people or going on a Tinder date. Okay, a lot of the time it isn’t just about that. In fact, every time it’s not that, it isn’t about that.
But what I’m trying to say is sometimes you just need to suck up your fear and nausea of needles and get yourself down to your local clinic to donate a pint of fresh blood.
Because why not? If you don’t need it all you might as well give it to someone who could make some use of it.
It’s like when your parents used to make you give away your old toys to charity. You didn’t need all those toys. Or when your drunk friend needs to pass out with you in your bed. You don’t need all that bed.
Of course sometimes people need all their blood because they suffer from low iron levels, but then again sometimes people need all their bed because they suffer from incontinence. But if you’re not a bed wetter and have the iron levels of Iron Man, then just give up some of your blood or bed. You’ll feel really good about yourself. Fact.
Aside from the major feel-good feeling of potentially saving someone’s life, there are a bunch of other highlights that come with being a good samaritan too. I’m going to share them with you in an attempt to inspire you to donate your red stuff.
1. You get a bonus sexual health check up
Yeah well they’re not gonna give anyone’s STI-riddled blood to some poor injured patient. Syphilis is the last thing anyone needs when they’re hanging on for dear life as it is.
2. You toughen up
Jab! Jab! Jab! Stab! Stab! Stab! With needles and blood everywhere you are either going to pussy out and go home, or harden up and let the very attentive nurses do their thing. The most frightening part is inside your head. The pain is minimal and the blood just looks like Halloween. Bandages make you look tough.
3. You get a bit of exercise in
It’s just a few recommended bum squeezes and some leg jiggling to keep the blood circulating as they withdraw some from you, but it’s better than sitting at your desk like an inactive loser not saving anyone’s life.
4. Your body gets a kick of hydration
It was good to go on a Monday because my insides were having a crusty old drought after a big weekend. So after drinking plenty of water beforehand, as directed, they pulled me in and poured another 1.5 litres down my throat. “Have another water, please Jessica.”
5. It’s great for bonding with friends
My friend Sparkes and I don’t really get to hangout away from our computer desks very often. But we went to donate blood together at lunch time and our friendship strengthened because now we are blood brothers. We were out of the office for two and a half hours and no one could say a single thing because we were out saving lives.
6. Treats, treats, treats
You get delicious treats and snacks for free. Well not free, technically you pay in blood. Blood treats. But the treats are so plentiful and you can have as many as you like. They have fruit and chocolate and biscuits and chips and cordial. All the things you deserve to eat when you’re doing a good deed.
7. Everyone has to be nice to you
For the rest of the day you can make people fetch you water, or cook you dinner, or say nice things to you. Heck, I reckon you could flash this bad boy on public transport and get a seat.
If all these blood donation highlights weren’t enough to get you signing up to drain your veins then you must have hepatitis or something. Because simply being a scaredy cat is no excuse for not sharing your blood if you don’t need all of it.
Also, you can’t donate if you’ve been to certain countries in the past six months. So factor that one in, I got turned down the first time I tried because I was in India in March.
Side affects I experienced: being very thirsty despite drinking lots of water and hard to get out of bed the next day.
Sign up today! If you’re in the UK goto http://www.blood.co.uk/
If somewhere else in the world, Google “give blood”.
Peace and blood squirts.