Going back to work after getting really comfortable not going back to work
I know, I know, harden the eff up Jess.
As some of my biggest stalkers might know, I arrived in Mudgee and accidentally fell in love with a person I found I liked better than myself. I didn’t mean for it to happen; I would never purposely go looking for an excuse to get fat and boring – but it happened, and next thing I knew I was standing in the kitchen at 7am packing his lunch.
It got grossly comfortable. He would go off to work each morning after exchanging smooches at the front door, and I would stay in my pyjamas until 10am trying to win the Cash Cow. Next I’d give his needy dog some attention, then I’d tidy the house, then do a bit of writing and sometimes drive to my dad’s to hang out and be unemployed there. I wasn’t required to be anywhere very often, or do much I didn’t want to do, ever. Life was breezy and I was thinking of buying myself a moo moo for when the time came.
Then one day, out of nowhere, came an email with a job offer. Not just any job offer, but a solid copywriting job offer, based in Sydney. I didn’t want to leave the life I was leading in love and on the land, but it was the kind of job offer I could only really decline if I chopped my fingers off and said I couldn’t write anymore. It was a good job offer.
Suddenly I had to stop everything I wasn’t really doing to pack my bags and take the first ride I could find to the city. Goodbye morning sex.
The thought of going back into an office after seven months of not having to answer to the man made me rather apprehensive. Meeting new people, having to “settle in”, small talk, time sheets, 8.30 to 5.30. OMFG. Not just that, but I had to feel that sickly yearning for another human throughout the day, and particularly late at night. I was going to have to suppress my frustration at being apart to avoid bad energy filling the kilometers of air between us. I was going to have to harden the truck up.
But I’m here. I did it. I hardened the truck up. Because I couldn’t just sit around in my comfort zone with my new boyfriend when there was work to be done. I couldn’t become that girl who puts comfort before experiences; who chooses security over chasing dreams. We have to get out there and win our bread if the bread is there to be won – get in while it’s fresh and hot and crusty…
…even if all we want to do now is settle down and have babies because that seems less stressful than the social anxieties associated with new jobs.