I’ve been on a Tindate.

Correct, I said a Tindate: a date enabled by Tinder.

Shut up. Everybody is doing it.

Tinder – it’s so hot right now – it’s the new fuss-free dating app everybody is using to create awkward moments for themselves.

Of course my Tinder date was a complete fail…primarily because the date was with another female.

**Waves awkwardly at family and colleagues**

I thought I might be a lesbian, you see. Guys haven’t really been working out for me lately and sometimes I develop fuzzy feelings for pretty women when I’m drinking alcohol.

So when girls kept popping up on my Tinder, I decided to start swiping right for the ones I thought were more attractive than myself.

Only cream of the crop for me thanks.

Laura was her name and she was really intelligent. Like super dooper, my-brain-could-beat-chuck-norris’s-brain intelligent.

Usually when courting, you will find that I am the smart one. This girl however, had me using my dictionary app on at least two words per text.

She was a lawyer… and she asked me for a drink.

(WHY DON’T MALE LAWYERS ASK ME FOR A DRINK?)

So I went. And I rated it about 8 out of 10 awkwards:

She was early, I was late. She drank beer, I drank gin. She bought two, I bought none. She was a lesbian, I am straight.

So apart from the fact that we both get our period, which is a new concept in dating for me, the conversation was also a little dry.

I could make her laugh but I stopped trying to do that after a while because I didn’t like the sound of her high-pitched laugh. She couldn’t make me laugh so I just asked her questions about her smartness.

Things really started to peak at awkward level when we started talking about our lesbianess. She had clearly known about her sexuality from an early age and she started asking me questions about my lesbian history. She knew that I had seen guys in the past and (fair enough) wanted to know about my “girl-on-girl experiences”.

So I had to lie…

WELL, I didn’t want her to think I was wasting her time!

As far as I was concerned, this date was me “experimenting”… So I wasn’t intentionally trying to waste her time.

But I still felt a bit bad.

So I made up a tall story about a girl I used to “see” in Sydney, who unfortunately didn’t work out because we didn’t have the “marriage of the minds” I was looking for.

Needless to say, she saw straight through me. A polite kiss on the cheek to end our wonderfully awkward evening and I haven’t heard from the smart lesbian lawyer since.

But despite the nerves and the slight sense of guilt I had for taking time out of her busy schedule, I had something else…

…lesbihonest, I had a little life experience.

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