When you think one thing and they think another

The psychology of pushing and knowing ya limits + insecurities and money talk.

March 2021 – Unseriously Sincere Ideas Write-Up #07


The other day I told my novio that I was meeting with someone to discuss training as a public speaking coach. I didn’t give much more information than that, but his response was: “I see, so another thing to add to your list that’s already as a long as a bus”. 

Even though I felt slightly judged, I did understand where my novio’s concerns came from. Of course I did, I explained here how he misses out on morning sex if my priorities are too mumble jumbled. It was a piece on values and the issues people face when they become too wishy washy in their visions. So he was simply expressing unease about me potentially spreading myself too thin again. Trying to ride too many ponies. Biting off more than I can masticate. Getting out of bed without a cuddle.

He doesn’t like to see me drown in my computer screen and refuse to go for afternoon walks because I’m elbow deep in extracurriculars. I get it. And who are we if we don’t have people we love to tell us to cool our jets anyway?

And he could be right. I could be riding small horses to nowhere. But I’d also argue that I could be riding all the way to follow-my-dreams-ville. But how would I know if I don’t occasionally push myself to the edge to see exactly where the edge has moved to?

Mark Manson recently posted this: Push your limits when the extra effort produces more reward than cost. Know your limits when the extra effort produces more cost than reward.

I’m all about it. If something is proving to be worth your time, keep doing it. If it’s detracting from you, ditch it. But in order to know what to do with your limits, you gotta push yourself outside your comfort zone in the first place. You need to take risks in order to get rewards. You must risk finding dead ends by going to the outer edges. Risk chasing a lead that might just be your own tail. Risk taking on another project only to find yourself curled up in an anxiety-riddled ball of regret. Because that’s how you open new doors to opportunity, by diversifying your portfolio of experiences. 

Don’t avoid trying new things because you think you can predict the outcome. Very little in this world is a certainty. Spend that extra bit of effort to prove yourself right or wrong. Don’t go through life wondering how being a public speaking coach could have exponentially accelerated your plan to take over the world. Just take a few of the steps towards the edge and see if you want to jump off.

Basically, I think it’s okay to poke your head in the door but then say no thank you, or pretend you got the wrong room.

Speaking of extracurricular activities…


Every Tuesday night, I jump in the car and drive to one of the most artsy parts of Sydney and metaphorically strip myself naked, exposing all my weird bits to everyone else’s exposed weird bits during an improv class. 

If you don’t know what improv is, it’s a form of comedic theatre, where most or all of what you see on stage is totally unplanned and unscripted. It’s spontaneous, loopy and really good at quenching my thirst for making people laugh… at my own expense.

Like a lot of us on planet earth, I live in the head of others far too much, irrationally assuming people can see all my murky bits, assuming they’ll spot my flaws and see how boring I really am.

So I go to improv to unwedge all this built up nonsense. It helps me be more present, listen better, look out for others, share my inner weirdo without judgement. It teaches my subconscious that I can expose myself to ridicule and not die an outrageous red-faced death. 

In my humble (or not-so-humble) opinion, rule 101 for personal growth is to address your insecurities by doing the exact opposite of what they want you to do. Scared of being alone? BE ALONE! Think you’re shit at your job? ASK FOR FEEDBACK! Believe you’re ugly without makeup? WEAR NO MAKEUP! 

The comfort zone is a beautiful place, but self-doubt blossoms like a goddamn weed there.


I’m pleased to announce that I now identify as an investor because I dabble in the stock markets and try my luck at crypto. And because I’ve had a wild emotional ride with it over the past a few months, I decided to navigate my way through the book, The Psychology of Money by Morgan Housel. 

Only recently published in 2020, there’s a long list of learnings in this relatively tiny book. The nice thing about it is that you can read it in a non-linear fashion because each chapter stands tall and proud and alone. 

I’m going to focus on Chapter 9 which is called ‘Wealth is What You Don’t See’. Housel explains that because we can’t see other people’s bank accounts and brokerage statements, we make assumptions about wealth based on how people present themselves in the world. We look at the hot models drinking champagne from belly buttons, we feast our eyes on the bitchin’ Ferraris, we FOMO over Instagram pics of wild escapades. But actually, he argues, wealth is what you don’t see.

What you’re looking at when you’re perving on people’s lush lives, is usually just people with high incomes. The wealthy people are the people wearing $10 tshirts, but who have buckets of unspent cash sitting in their bank accounts compounding interest. 

So next time you find yourself thinking about all the things you don’t have (because you’re watching rich old Reynold over there flashing all his cash), well, go out and buy yourself a Bitcoin. Don’t sell it for ten years, then see who’s rich, bitch.*

*This is not to be taken as professional financial advice and if you think it is you need to go and read The Psychology of Money ASAP.

That’s all from me today, over and out chicos.

Jess from Comfort is for Wimps

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